DPOV vs. Being "Description Blind" - Novel vs. Screenplay Example

I've recently discovered that I have been a bit "description blind" before from working on screenplays. And yet, the more room I'm given on my novel Sojourners to have more text for description has, ironically enough, sharpened me on a skill I developed from screenwriting - describing emotions through actions.

Here is another first paragraph from my second chapter exercise in 3rd person POV (notice I've also changed my paragraph from present to past tense for easier readability):

Michael Escalante, dressed in dirty jeans, a stained blue work shirt and steel-reinforced boots, was the only manager who ate in the plant commissary. The rest of the managers followed the lead of Ted Ortiz, who, as a reservist B.C.L. Army captain, didn't believe it was appropriate to “mix” with the workers. That asinine attitude was another reason he would've fired Ted, except Ted worked directly for Emilio, so he was obviously Emilio’s informant. As he munched on one of Tomas’s wrapped ‘gater carnitas, he could feel them upstairs glare into his back as he and the rest of the plant waited for Emilio’s call. The portable phone was by his right hand and his hand kept drifting towards it. He considered going up to Ted’s office and asking him to call his father on their behalf, since Ted witnessed the tests himself yesterday morning. Before he could scoot his chair out, he thought better of it. Ted was a political animal and such a request would smack of weakness. Michael was not one to give Ted more power over him.

Now, if I was to do this as a screenplay, here is how it would look:


INT. MANUFACTURING PLANT - COMMISSARY - MIDDAY

The commissary is only a few plastic tables and cracked plastic chairs, refrigerators and futuristic microwave ovens off to the left.

MICHAEL ESCALANTE (22), in a dirty shirt, jeans and boots, sits eating with several other workers, a phone beside his right hand which his right hand keeps trying to reach out for. Everyone looks tense and downcast.

Offscreen can be heard two reporters talking indistinctly.

Michael looks behind him and up the stairs at

INT. MANUFACTURING PLANT - UPSTAIRS OFFICES

A set of cubicles behind a glass wall, looking down on the plant floor.

TED ORTIZ (mid-40s), wearing a clean button-down white shirt, holding a steel cup of coffee, stands next to an ENGINEER, glaring down at Michael.


Notice what the screenplay is missing that's present in the novel. First, the screenplay doesn't care about what food he eats, though, if we kept in the dialogue from the last chapter about Tomas's wife packing food, we might note it. There is no way to "hear" or "read" thoughts, as can be done with a novel. In both cases, there are no words spoken. The exception, of course, would be if there was a narrator, but that is a very cliched device.

Notice the final line about the reporters. That is described in the next paragraph, but, since it's part of the auditory nature of the scene, I have to describe it now.

At one point, I had to use a device to get across the idea of the tension between Michael and Ted by cheating it. The novel doesn't say Michael turned around, but it's needed to see the tension. However, without other dialogue, we can't know as readers why that's the case for the screenplay. That's why screenplay adaptations of novels are so difficult - you can't show or hear thoughts, but only through action and dialogue can you hint at it. Screenplays are the art of making concise, of hinting at meanings and relationships.

Screenplays can be great fun because reading interior thoughts is definitely a bit of cheat in screenplays, but the novel opens up whole new dimensions I'm enjoying. But deep point of view (DPOV) is a very useful skill for both styles of writing.