POV considerations - My Second Exercise and a Challenge

I'm still working on my POV issues with Sojourners after I read two short books and will read one more. I'll provide recommendations in a future post, but one nice blog post I found was very cool, so I am siting that below:

http://storysensei.blogspot.com/2005/11/deep-point-of-view.html

Deep point of view (DPOV) is a new concept for me, but very interesting. Essentially, after you decide whether or not to use 3rd or 1st person POV, and decide about how close to observe, then DPOV is about how to best describe the scene from a sensory-heavy use of description while removing directly feeling words.  For me, I'm not used to having to do this because, as a screenwriter, you're so focused on slim action and heavy dialogue, it normally isn't an issue. So this was great stuff.

Anyway, before moving forward, read the previous log if you haven't already. What I did before was to show a version of my very first paragraph of my first chapter of Sojourners in an exercise if I were to use Close 3rd person POV. Anyway, here is a slight revision where I try to engage in DPOV:

Michael Escalante hums as plugs in the last three probes into the yolk yellow composite padding of the articulating robotic foot sixty centimeters above his head when Tomas’s stocky legs appear on his left. His right sausage hand holds out a portable phone like a plutonium hot potato, “I can’t stall him anymore, Michael. He demands I hand you the phone right now.”

I'm also starting to reread Orson Scott Card's book on character and viewpoint. I'll let you know how it does compared to the first two small books I read on POV.

Now I have a challenge for you, my blog readers. Try this:

1. Take one opening paragraph from any chapter of a book or manuscript in progress

2. Read the Story Sensei blog on DPOV

3. Rewrite that same paragraph using those short, practical principles of DPOV

Anyway, let me know if you're having problems with POV and how you've been handling them.